I don’t know if she’s enjoying her new life or not but I do know one thing for sure and it is that I miss her a lot… yet! I know it kinda feels sick to miss someone while the other person considers you nothing but I can’t help it. That’s how I’m. When I love someone. It is usually ‘serious’ business and ‘annihilating’ for me.

I feel, I don’t live in this world, I live… but instead in a bored place called ‘Missville’. Where I only miss certain people. It is like a closed world with no going back. Once you enter into it… this bizarre world eats you up. I’m just moving ahead… not knowing, how long will I be in that world or when will I find my way out.

I was reading my previous post and almost all posts about X had this repeated question that does she ever, even for a fleeting moment think about me. I don’t know my obsession with this question. It is good that I don’t know the answer because I’m sure it would be ‘nay’.

So after her I don’t feel like getting close to anyone in any capacity. I am wary of people. I tend to get hurt too much, too quickly. I’m still not out of that painful feeling so it isn’t wise to get started again.

I feel so pathetic at times. I wish I knew how to move on in life. I wish!

Other than X and her memories, the rest is going okay in life. I’m glad my mind remains diverted most of the time because I remain ‘busy’.

More later… if time permitted.

I miss the X all the more at such times and then I can’t help myself to think positively about various issues in life.

Oh God, help me please!

The purpose of writing this post is that I have no idea why and how I miss my X although the fact is that now I realize X wasn’t a right person for me. Perhaps X never will be!

Yet I’m unable to placate my heart – as today is I’m missing X too much! What a strange feeling that is!

I had written about it earlier and want to mention once again that why is there so much disparity in the domain of love and separation that one person misses the other too much while the other person doesn’t have the slightest clue about it and don’t miss even for a minute.

There is this question that often crashes in my mind and I wish someone tell me whether that person ever misses me even for a second.

Well, I’m in such a situation where I know we wouldn’t be able to get together ever… yet, sometimes I yearn to talk… and want to know the X’s feelings about me. Not always but sometimes I feel like knowing! That’s it!

I mean who on earth can disgrace the institution of marriage? If someone doesn’t like to marry then kindly, stay single instead of coming up with filthy comparisons.

Anyway, that’s not my habit to get involved in such petty matters.

No more talk with such retarded people. *Promise*

Why is that I can spend a lot but can’t earn a penny?

URGH! I Feel like smashing my fist into something :@

1) I’d been made to wait for someone I didn’t fancy meeting at all.

2) I read something terrible and that’s left me in a real bad taste.

Maybe I’m jumping to conclusions. I shouldn’t think much about ‘that issue’. We aren’t together anymore anyway so it shouldn’t matter at all.

Yet I can’t stop thinking about it from time to time.

What the hell!

I can tolerate heavy ears but not a heavy heart. Thankfully, I don’t have a heavy heart these days as such. I do get depressed when I think of certain things or future or even past but then I manage to distract myself.

So I do see ‘her’ in this big wide cyber world but our paths are something that run parallel but couldn’t be diverged. Sometimes I think that breakup might have been a blessing in disguise for me but then ‘why just me’… I mean I bet she is as friendly and loving with everyone else as she was. I think I do miss her love more than anything. I don’t know what to make out, what to expect? There is this one thought that I’m trying to get rid of and that is the question that does she ever think about me even for a slightest moment. Well, does it make any difference even if she does?!

Anyway, I am still caught up in the process of ‘that crappie work’! Hope to be done with it soon and efficiently.

Besides, there is nothing special to mention. More later!

It’s been long, really long since I tasted the success. I am doing all that I can to relive the feeling that one feels upon achieving the goal…

I mean there is always a limit to thing. After every night there is a day and at the end of every tunnel light awaits. So I should hang on and keep my spirits alive. Even though things may not seem right, even though I come across people or situations that would try to bring me down but I shouldn’t stop walking on the path I liked for myself.

There is no shoulder at the moment to put my head on it in the trying times but I hope I’ll soon have one. See my heart isn’t nurturing any hope but something within tells me that everything would be fine.

More… later!

I think the world’s toughest thing is to convince someone. And my record shows that I often fail at it. Like talking of love, I had tried hard to convince M but she didn’t heed any of my pleas and did what she wanted at that time. That is she dumped me! I remember I had mailed her telling that I so miserably failed to change your opinion about me. I got no reply. Years later she came back to me but then I had no feelings for her. By that time I had moved on so much that even her coming back didn’t gave me the pleasure of triumph. I realized, she would never be able to take the same place in my life. I wouldn’t be able to create the same rapport again. So I quit quietly just as she had done years back. She is now a totally forgotten person in my life.

Then years later, again my every word and emotion failed when I tried convincing X. I really wanted her to stay in my life. I still want her… she was an amazing person. Sort of that you can never predict or define fully. I love the fact that I have no bitter feelings for her. I am still as protected about her as I was when she was in my life. And I can never think of tarnishing her name in any respect. That’s why I don’t discuss her or our breakup with anyone usually.

You know there is one thing, one thought that always keeps coming back to me and that is does she ever think about me or miss me. I mean does she ever feel (even for a sec) to talk with me. I wasn’t a monster after all. Wonder why she quit like that?

So I’m trying to divert my attention to better and constructive things. I have so much to do. And this reminds me I should sign off now because I’m in the middle of an important write up.

More may be… later!